My personal experiences have taught me that 10% of our life is made up of what actually happens. The remaining 90% is uncertain and depends on how we react to it. This is the primary reason that makes the mindset of a person so important to lead a happy and successful life. However, whatever be the mindset, everyone goes through happy as well as sad phases in life. Those who get stuck in the sad phases are said to be depressed. I was in this zone myself for a considerable amount of time, and this is the story of how I conquered depression.
Stages of My Depression
I am certain that most of us have had moments that make us upset, sad or discouraged. It can be anything ranging from the death of a pet or someone close and bad grades to a fight with someone you love or a failed interview. This is a situation where you cannot help but be sad about it. However, with time we tend to move on with these situations until they become just sad memories which occur once in a decade. We forget the pain and start feeling better slowly. However, with depression, you cannot just move on. This is because depression is not like a fever that can be cured by medicines. Instead, it is a process that slowly degrades you mentally, physically, emotionally and socially. I was diagnosed with depression six years back and had to pass through the following stages before finally getting back my smile. These include.
Denial or Rejection
I was a shy, and introverted kid when I was in school. Not that I did not have friends, but I was always less involved than the others. Everything was fine in school though. Things got worse when I reached college and moved away from my family. Being shy, I did not talk to anyone for the first few days of college. The first semester ended and I was not motivated at all even after getting good grades. This was the first time in my life when I felt lonely, lost and unable to get out of low feelings.
I Felt Like An Alien…
Since there was neither any tragedy nor any difficulty, I was unsure and unable to accept that depression had struck me. I blamed the weather, irregular sleep, appetite, lack of focus and anything I could find for this. I was angry with almost each and everything that took place throughout the day. I felt like an alien. I could not sleep well too. I thought about awfully hateful and self-loathing things and felt like crying all day. I was numb to emotions and felt like dying. I consulted a therapist but it didn’t help much. From somewhere I heard that cutting and hurting yourself helps in depression. I started it and as soon as it became a habit, I unknowingly entered the second stage of depression.
Retaliation And The Danger Zone
Cutting my wrists and thighs at various places became my pacifiers for the next two years. However, it was of no use as it made me weaker physically. Slowly, the individual organs in my body started getting affected. I lost weight rapidly, became pessimistic about everything and could not sleep during the night. Everyone around me was worried about the state I was in. But, I was frustrated so badly that I started ignoring all of them. I call this the Danger Zone, as around 70-80% of people commit suicide in this stage of depression.
Things were getting out of hand
I believe this stage was extremely scary to be caught up in as my aggression overpowered everything in this stage. Moreover, this aggression was not restricted to only the physical injuries inflicted on myself, but also on others. Not only this but I also got crowded with additional issues like schizophrenia, memory loss, and even manic depression. Things were getting out of hand and that is when I gathered the courage and shared my feelings with my mom about my depression. She took me to the therapist who said that I could not survive without stuffing antidepressants. I was depressed even more, however this time because of my mom, I did not lose hope.
You are Your Own Hero
I remember during all these years the biggest constant was that I did not care and showed no interest at all to recover or to get better. In fact, I wanted to just stop existing and die. It was like I was the unsafest person for myself at that time. But since the time I met my mom, things were a bit better than they were. However, when she took me to the hospital, I started crying as I had a strong feeling that I let my parents down. The doctor consoled me and told me how depression is known to limit or stop the level of serotonin, the hormone responsible for happiness in our brain. He then advised me to go for several antidepressants as they produce serotonin. I was already fed up of gulping down antidepressants three times a day. So, I started looking for an organic supplement that could help me cope with this. And with the help of a few pieces of research and references, I found CBD to enable serotonin production and clubbed it with a simple balanced diet, communication, self-love, and meditation to overcome my depression.
Every Cloud Has A Silver Lining
The light which I earlier was unable to see at the end of the tunnel was still vague but somewhat visible now. A few weeks into the summer and I started feeling the positive effects of CBD, meditation, food habits and the love of my parents and near ones. This hit me and I understood that depression can be conquered. And it’s been two years since I’ve been following these things and helping people who are struggling with depression. Hence, if you are reading this and have experienced or are presently struggling with depression, know that depression is not a never-ending pit and you are not hopeless even if your brain tells you otherwise. Also, know that you are important, loved and cared for in a world full of endless opportunities and amazing people. You can achieve everything you want.